The health benefits of friendship

Being sociable is good for you. It can reduce anxiety and depression and provide a lifeline when life gets tough.

But making and keeping friends seems to be getting harder these days. Already, a 2013 meta-analysis found that people living in the 2000s had four fewer friends than someone living in the 1980s. And the pandemic only made things worse. Loneliness might even account for up to 45,000 deaths a year in Canada, as much as smoking.

According to the U.S. National Institute on Aging: “People who are lonely experience emotional pain. Losing a sense of connection and community can change the way a person sees the world. Emotional pain can activate the same stress responses in the body as physical pain. When this goes on for a long time, it can lead to chronic inflammation and reduced immunity.”

Scientists now believe that inflammation in the body can contribute to disorders such as Alzheimer’s disease and heart disease. And in turn, social relationships may be associated with lower levels of inflammation. Being sociable can also lower the risk of illness and death.

“It lowers blood pressure, leads to better immune system function and better sleep,” says Dr. Verena Menec. Menec is a professor in the Department of Community Health Sciences at the University of Manitoba.

What’s also interesting is that when it comes to health benefits, not all social relationships are the same. A 2010 study from the Journal of Health and Social Behaviour found that the quality of these networks matters — and can influence behaviour.

“You’d think a person with a spouse really would be better off,” says Menec. But if the relationship with the spouse is not that good, the benefits are fewer, she says.

Having one or two friends is good, having more might be even better

Menec says that one or two solid friendships — people who offer a hug and listen to your problems – can be enough for some people. But for most people, more is better. Having family members, friends and acquaintances who offer different social experiences — support, laughter, a sense of fun or caregiving — can meet a person’s social needs on many levels.

“You can gain different benefits from different people,” she says.

Interesting, too, are studies cited by the Brazilian Journal of Geriatrics and Gerontology. The journal’s review found that relationships with friends have more positive affects than family relationships. This could be because you choose your friends, not your relatives. You’re also more likely to spend time with family doing routine things, and spend time with friends having fun.

Keeping your social networks alive

The worst thing you can do is socially isolate yourself and lose touch with old friends, says Menec. This can happen as you get older, or if you develop a chronic illness.

Many men in heterosexual relationships tend to have small social networks, Menec says. Some may really only have their wives. In their older years, they can be left with few social contacts, especially if they are widowed. “Men don’t maintain friendships as much as women do,” says Menec. “If the wife dies, the man is lost. It’s hard to start making contacts then.”

Hynie suggests that if older people feel discouraged from joining social groups, family members can help them overcome common barriers. They can encourage them, drive them, or look into affordable courses, workshops, exercise programs or clubs. Is transportation a barrier? Services such as Wheel Trans may be the answer. The Canadian Red Cross and CARP (formerly the Canadian Association for Retired Persons) also offer help.

Community outreach programs can help newcomers to Canada to build new networks. They enable new Canadians to socialize with people with shared interests and skills. They also offer integration strategies such as language courses and training.

Making new friends in retirement

Retirement comes with some added challenges for social networks. You lose the daily interaction with your co-workers that might have been the best thing about your job. By the time you reach your 60s and 70s, you may begin to lose friends to illness and death. And if you move to a new town or even a new neighbourhood, you may leave your network behind.

While you can’t replace your cherished old friends, you can make new ones. That could sound daunting if you’ve had the same friends for years, or if you tend to be reserved. But making new friends can be easier than you think. The extra free time you have in retirement might mean more opportunity to prioritize meeting new people and socializing. Some ideas:

• Talk to your neighbours. They can be very friendly and, depending on where you’ve moved to, some could also be retired.
• Check out the local library and seniors’ centre. They feature free or low-cost activities, such as history talks, arts and crafts classes, and exercise sessions.
• Get involved at a place of worship. Whatever your spiritual tradition, you can meet friendly people who will be delighted to get to know you. (And there’s no shortage of volunteer opportunities at a church, mosque, synagogue, temple or gurdwara.)

Dr. Michaela Hynie, professor of psychology at York University’s Faculty of Health says volunteering is an excellent way to meet people and feel a sense of purpose. “Volunteering has been shown to be very beneficial,” she says. “It provides meaningful ways of connecting to others, which makes people feel better about themselves.”

“Strengthening social networks is one of the most important things we can do,” she adds.

Menec agrees: “Cultivate your friends.